Burst Mode Working

What is your working style? Do you work hard most the time? Or you work slowly most of the time? Or you will only work hard if the task is important? Or you are one of those “Play hard and work hard” people?

For me, I will push myself so hard that I forget to rest for a period of time.After that, I will rest so much until most creature in Happy Land start calling me slacker. Robo no1 told me this is the "Burst Mode" working style.

Basically there are two phase in this "Burst Mode" working style, which are the "Burst" phase and the "Empty" phase. Let say there is a project which duration is about four weeks. Instead of planning out the task well over the project timeline, I will complete all the task in a very short time frame. After "bursting" all my energy on completing the project, I will just enter the "Empty" phase which I start to rest. Too bad, once I enter the "Empty", I tend to become lazy and unmotivated to work again.

For the last two months, I had been in the "Empty" phase and slowdown quite abit. Many tasks left undone. Many freelance work had been turn down by me as well. I know some of my colleagues and friends can feel that too because we had some projects that suppose to work together. Due to my laziness, it is either never complete or never start at all! Sorry man... Just give me few more days to recharge my battery and I am ready to work again.

I am happy

Ok enough of sad post. Let's talk about something happy.

I am happy that I am still alive yeah~ yeah~
I am happy that I still have a job yeah~ yeah~
I am happy that I still have my family with me yeah~ yeah~
I am happy that I still have friends yeah~ yeah~
I am happy that I can still pretend to be happy yeah~ yeah~
I am happy that after I pretend to be happy, I really feel slightly better yeah~ yeah~

Depression Virus

Suppose to go out this morning, but I feel very sad and down. So I decide to hide in my dumpsite. Why am I so sad? I don't know. Maybe I know the answer but just pretending don't know.

I persistently feel sad, anxious, empty, worthless, helpless, hopeless, pessimism, fatigue, and slowdown. This is all the signs and symptoms for depression incase you don't know. So am I suffering from depression problem? I don't know. But I do know I have this same feeling for so many years and it seem that it won’t leave me so easily. It just come and go from time to time. Maybe my CRT head is infected with depression virus. Maybe I should try to use an anti-virus to fix the problem, so I can live a happier life after that.

But why should I try to cure my depressed personality if I can direct it to a proper channel and make great use of it? Just like robo no1 told me before.

"Most great artist and musician suffer from depression problem as well. But they channel their depressed feeling into producing a masterpiece of music or artwork"

Why most great artist will suffer from depression? Is it creativity must come together with depressed personality? If yes, is creatitivity a gift or curse? I have so many questions, but all is not important now. I just need to accept who am I myself. Accept the fact that I might have some depression problem and try to make good use of it instead of resisting it. I am strange isn't it?

Chain reaction

Just like I predict earlier, the resignation chain reaction have not stop yet. Today, two more robots from mushroom factory decide to break themself free and escape. Now, they just wait for the correct time to throw the resignation bomb at mushroom king. After that, they should be able to live happily in reality and stop dreaming about growing the biggest mushroom.

It is quite hard to explain how I feel at the moment. So many big mushroom projects coming in but the team is shrinking each day. I am abit lost and blur. I feel like want to escape as well.

I dont have this and that

I don't have my own lifepod,
I don't have my own spaceship,
I don't have this,
I don't have that,
I don't have ......
(the list goes own)

The only thing I have is nothing.
I have nothing.

Many people like to waste their time thinking about what they don't have.
And seem like not not many people using their time appreciate what they have now.

This include me as well. We all suck. Maybe we should slow ourself down, turnback and look around, start to appreciate what we have now, stop chasing blindly and mindlessly at what we don't have.

I think I lost something.

I think I lost something.

Everytime went back to mushroom factory,
I will be doing routine stupid task, but not interesting work.
I lost passion for my work.

Everytime went back to dumpsite,
I will be doing random useless thing, but not freelance work.
I lost dedication for my work.

I think I lost my way.
I can't see my future.
I don't know where I am heading next.
I don't know what I am going to do next.
I can't see my path.
But I will be building my path.

Some formula

I really can't believe that time pass so fast. Nearly two months had pass since I enter this fantasy world of blogging. Thinking back of what I had done in previous two months, I notice that I haven't done anything usefull in my life. Let's do a little bit of comparison between me and one of the ex-mushroom factory robot. then you will know why.

My skill sets still stop at the same level.
His skill sets had advance to the next level.

Formula:
Better skill sets = Better job = Better paid

I am still doing the same boring and stupid task everyday.
He done so many interesting projects in this two months.

Formula:
Interesting Project = Better portfolio = Better job = Better paid

I still stuck in the same factory and getting the same salary.
He change his job again and get super salary from it.

Formula:
Change job = Better job = Better paid

But there is one issue,
He said he is very stressfull during this two months because of the workload. Even he is making more money now, but is it worth it? I can't answer for him, but I think in the long run, it will be still worth it.

For me, I am slighly happier in this two months because I am lazy to do freelance and I try to rest as much as I can. I am doing this because I am recharging my battery so I can go fullforce again soon in my work.

Formula:
Better paid = More work = Stress

Ofcourse this is not always the case. I believe everyone is looking for an interesting and enjoyable job with good paid.

Cilaka lu!

Today, me and my friends in mushroom factory was talking about this particular robot codename AT, which left the factory recently. Although I don't really like him when he baru join the factory. But after he throw his resignation bomb at mushroom king. I found out that he is actually not that bad. Most importantly he left some good memories and jokes for the factory, which is his strange laughter and quote.

"Hehehehehe..... Cilaka lu!"

This particular robot's laughter sound so evil and funny that when ever he produce that killing sound wave, I just can't stop laughing. Even now, if I use my CRT head's processing power to imagine his strange laughter, I will still laugh out loud. For example, just now while I was taking the U73 spacebus back to my dumpsite. I suddenly thought about his strange laughter, and I nearly laugh out inside the spacebus. I don't know whether it is my good imagination power or I already become crazy. I think I must be crazy.